Monday, August 06, 2007

Harder than you think

As you know already (if anyone is still reading this blog), I am recovering from brain surgery. I should have used the word recovered, because although the doctor says 3-4 months, I am actually feeling like myself again. So much like myself that I have sent all of my company and help home (2 weeks ago) and am finally alone with my boy.

So why... if I have been alone for 2 weeks have I not posted? My sister was the last to leave and while she was here I had a legitimate excuse, she is very computer savy and I did not want her to find this site. But now... well now I have not posted because... well because frankly putting in writing what has happened in the last 2 months is harder than you think.

I want to document it, to journal it, to have it for myself. But every time I think about starting it, I procrastinate (which isn't hard to do these days). So... I have decided to do it one step at a time. A series of post that will take me from diagnosis to delivery, to neurosurgery, to awful paranoid recovery to today. I will include pictures of the baby at appropriate places so be forewarned.

Those 6 weeks were the hardest weeks of my life so far and although the birth of my son was the most joyous event of my life, there are so many regrets about his first few weeks... I think that is why I haven't posted. And why it will be so therapeutic to write it down and move on. So... that's enough for now. The first post will be coming soon.

17 comments:

Anonymous said...

I'm so glad to hear from you Krista! I can only imagine what it's been like for you...especially the regret part. In my experience, women, especially infertiles, put so much emphasis on the newborn experience being the best and most perfect moments of our lives. In the absolute best of times, it's not. Throw in brain surgery....WOW! I'm so glad to hear you're feeling better and can't wait to hear about your little guy.

Anonymous said...

I'm so glad to have you back! What a scare that must have been; no wonder it's overwhelming to write about it. I'm so sorry that the long-awaited birth of your little one was ruined by this brain surgery. That' just not fair.

Anonymous said...

Krista - It is great to hear from you. I have been thinking about you and hoping things are ok.

Take your time with writing, k?. xx

Thalia said...

good to hear from you, Krista.

Just write whatever makes sense. If you feel you need to start at the beginning and tell a chronological story, you'll probably never get it done. Write what you feel, when you feel it. If it comes out in dribs and drabs, that's fine.

Serenity said...

So happy to hear from you, hon. Take your time, and I agree with Thalia - write whatever you want however it comes out. That might be best.

*hugs*

Shauna said...

I'm so glad to see you here and look forward to reading your story.

xo

Anonymous said...

I'm glad you're back. I ditto what's been said before. Just write when and how you feel the most comfortable.

Aurelia said...

Krista,

I'm very glad to see that you are back. Take your time, and tell your story in dribs and drabs if you have to, just know that we are here and reading.

And really don't worry about whether the first weeks were perfect or not. You've done the best you can. In the end, your son will never remember it, he'll just know his Mom is still here to love him and be with him.

MoMo said...

oh Krista--it is so great to hear from you. I can't imagin what you went through but I am so happy that you are getting better. Just write what comes easy and what makes sense to you!

ms. c said...

Welcome back Krista! I was so thrilled to click over here and see some word from you. I'm happy to hear that you feel like yourself-that's absolutely amazing.
Can't wait to see Caden (when you're up to posting more, of course.)

Anonymous said...

Krista, it is so good to see you back here! I can't wait for the pics. I guess I know most of the story already and I am still amazed at your strength through all of this!

Mony said...

I'm here & so thrilled to hear from you. Take your time sweetie, we're a patient lot!

millie said...

I'm so very thrilled to see a post from you. And I'm not going anywhere. Write whatever you want, whenever you want, however you want. Like everyone else, I'm just so glad you're back and I'm not going anywhere.

Jenna said...

I am so glad that you are back! I can even begin to imagine what your life has been like. I am also glad that you are feeling back to yourself again.

Larisa said...

I'm so glad to see this post. I can't begin to imagine what you've been through these past months.

M said...

I'm so glad you have posted. I have checked on your often. I went private on my blog and I will send you an invitation after we hear from you again.
Best!

Anonymous said...

Krista I've just read all of your posts since you started blogging again. First of all, I am so thankful for your health, your beautiful son, your awesome husband and family. And wow. It's unbelievable what you've been through. I've been crying and smiling as I read.
Thank you for sharing your story and your awesome pics of your gorgeous son!
Congrats again on everything....
peace
shlomit