Still alive and pregnant

Well........ it seems this blog has really been neglected.


Life has a way of taking over sometimes, you know. April was a tough month. It was the 1 year anniversary of losing my beloved sister. My brother and Caden and I went to my Mom and Dad's (a 4 hour flight). My brother was only there for the actual anniversary and the weekend, approx 4 days... Caden and I stayed for 5 weeks.


It is amazing to me to think that she has been gone a whole year. On the other hand, it is amazing to me to think that it's only been a year. Life marches on, sometimes even if we think we can't handle it. I still miss her every day and there are days that I am still in shock and can't really comprehend what has happened. On the other hand, my life has and will gone on and I see that it is how it is supposed to be (my life going on, not her loss). I have a son to live for, to enjoy, to protect, and to cherish. I am about to have a daugher. I don't want them to grow up with a depressed Mommy, they may not know it, but they have already lost far too much. Not just an Aunt who would have been the highlight of their holidays (we didn't live in the same province and would not likely have ever lived in the same province so we were limited to seeing each other 3-4 times a year). But let me guarantee you that she would have crammed so much into those visits that they would have been left begging for the next visit. They have also lost the Grandparents they would have had. Don't get me wrong my Mom and Dad love Caden and they will love the little girl. And frankly I think that Caden may be the only joy my Mom and Dad have experienced in the last year. But they are not, nor will they ever be the same people they were. They cannot possess the same energy, the same "love of life", of the same carefree spirit they had before last April. It has taken me some time to accept that these things can never come back. That my Mom and Dad can never be the same people. It is like I lost more than my sister that fateful day, although they are still here.


I have decided on a name. I said in my last post that I wanted a connection to my sister. What I really wanted was to know what she might have called a girl but although her and I surely discussed it, just as she surely discussed it with some girlfriends who were pregnant at the time of her accident, we cannot remember. We had no reason at the time to think that a casual conversation was worth remembering. We had no idea what the future held. Anyway, my sister and I loved simple names that were not overly common or popular but that were also not unheard of, or totally made up. My sister's name was Karen. I have decided to call my daughter Kara.


I don't know what I didn't think of it earlier but I am really quite attached to the name and have been since the moment I thought of it.


And Kara, will make her way into our home 2 weeks from today by C-section if she doesn't come of her own free will before then.


I am today finished 36 weeks and starting 37. The section is scheduled for 1 week before my due date. Given the prior brain tumour, and given that I have declined to have an MRI during my pregnancy the Neurologist and my OB are much happier with a repeat section. Despite the fact that last April there was no sign of any recurrent or residual tumour, I am actually fine with another section. I don't care how she get's here, as long as she is healthy.


Here are some pictures of me 3 weeks ago. I am aware that these are the first "belly shots" I have posted for this pregnancy. Truly, I feel so guilty that I get to do this twice when some of you have yet to experience it that some of the magic of it was lost when I came here. But as you can see, I am truly enjoying it. Even if I am significantly larger that I was last time.































And my baby boy turned 2 at the end of May!!! Isn't that unbelievable. I will do a whole post on the amazing person that he is becoming but for now, let me just leave you with this stunning image which really does represent his disposition and demeanor about 95% of the time.