This post is all about poop, please stop reading (all 3 of you still here) if you are sensitive about such matters.
We have been doing some toilet learning in this house. And we have been doing some toilet unlearning as well. I am not sure what to do about the toilet unlearning.
Caden has ALWAYS had issues with constipation. His first doctors visit as a result of constipation was when he was just 3 weeks old and he was being transitioned to formula. Constipation was a constant issue until he was 7 or 8 months old and using a sippy cup and eating solid foods. And then it seemed to go away... and come back for a quick visit... and go away... and come back for a quick visit.... rinse, lather, repeat... you get the idea.
Mid January I decided that Caden was ready to toilet train. Truth is, he was probably more than ready... he had probably been ready for ages, I simply was too busy with new baby and breast feeding to spend the time on it. At any rate... 3 to 4 days later and we were accident free for pee. Sometimes his underwear is a little damp by the time he gets to the toilet (he doesn't tell me until he can't really hold it anymore) but still... Although he still wears a diaper to bed, he always wakes up dry and has actually told us twice in the middle of the night that he needed to go ( you know with all the sleep issues, he is awake anyway :-) He does not like to be wet.
Poop too had been going really well. It took a bit longer, a couple of weeks. But he did get the hang of doing it sitting up. Frankly I thought that poop would be easier for him. He clearly knew when it was coming because he would hide in his favorite pooping spot and if you "found" him, he would ask you politely to go away. The boy like his privacy. And that was eventually the break through in getting him to do it in the toilet. I had to pull down his pants and leave the room until he told me he had pooped. But for over a month he had no accidents of any sort. And then he got constipated. Really bad. He managed to do it in the toilet but it caused such pain (screaming, shaking, tears and a little blood) that he has really refused to do it in the toilet since. At first I just ignored it thinking that once he realized it didn't hurt anymore he would go back to the toilet. But it has been almost three weeks, he is back to his once a day routine (more than once a day really because he doesn't do the whole thing at once.. he doesn't like the feel of it on his skin anymore.. so he has taken to doing 2 or 3 little ones), and he is still doing it in his pants. Only now he realizes there are really no consequences to doing it in his pants. And so pants it is. He has not pooped once on the toilet since that painful day.
What do you do with a kid who has "unlearned" his toilet training? Everything I have read says that accidents should be "no problem" and "no big deal". I did train that way originally. But now "no problem" and "uh-oh an accident. ..that's ok honey you'll remember next time" is simply getting me A LOT of stinky laundry, very short on patience and a kid who is quite happy to poop in his pants.
I hope they always stay this close!
8 comments:
Not that I have any experience, but I think in this case I would try bribery.
You don't want to punish him, but since you know he can do it, he might need some incentive to give it another try.
Is there something he would really like? Maybe if he poops for so many days and earns a star a poop, he can trade his stars in on something really, really good.
Tried bribery! I'm not above it at all. Nothing works. Or nothing that I have offered anyway.
I just read an article in Parents Magazine that was about chronic constipation and how hard it is to potty train around it. The author said that first you need to actually treat the constipation, then focus on PT.
I bet you anything that Caden is freaked out by the potty because he's scared it's going to hurt. O did this recently, actually - freaked out with the potty chair because he was constipated. He's younger than Caden, so we just put it away for now.
In this case? I'd call the pediatrician and ask about Miralax, if it's okay to use with him. Once it helps him physically, and there's no pain, then maybe a bribe will work.
Dunno. Obviously you can take my comments with a grain of salt since we're just into the beginning stages of potty training ourself. But the article really made a lot of sense to me.
xxx
Thanks Serenity. I actually get Today's Parent too, just didn't have a chance to read it this month yet. But I see the article listed now. Caden is not constantly constipated these days though. He usually goes a couple of months at least in between bad periods. And then for some unknown reason he has a couple of days where he doesn't want to eat or drink much and then boom, problems again. Luckily for me, once it's out, we are usually back to normal. We haven't had continual constipation in over 1.5 years. Since that painful poop a couple of weeks ago they have all been soft and pain free.... just in his pants.
Sam has a private poopy spto too! He can't talk yet but he gets really mad if you peek behind the rocking chair while he's squeezing away.
I like what Serenity had to say. (I was going to say bribery but I see you already tried that!) A friend of mine has a little girl who is chronically constipated. Even though she could use the potty perfectly fine, she used to ask Lorie for a diaper so she could go poop and then when she was done she'd help wipe herself. They've been using Miralax with her regularly and it has helped...A. goes on the potty for everything now, even in the night.
I feel for Caden. He's so little, it's hard to understand why it hurt so badly that time. (I know you are feeling for him too!) Ask about the Miralax and just keep persevering gently but firmly. It won't stay like this forever.
XOXOX
Flicka
Bribery (or the PC version "incentives") only works if you find what they REALLY, REALLY want. As Dr. Phil says, you have to find their currency. It might take some creativity, but once you find something that REALLY means something to him it will be worth it enough for him to try the toilet again...oh, and the rewards need to be immediate at this age, you can't promise something that's too far away, like "the zoo on Saturday", it has to be "you get to paint on the special giant paper RIGHT after you use the toilet". Good luck!
Been there... What my doctor suggested was giving the child some prune juice every day (or something else that would really soften the stool). The psychologist suggested talking to the child and saying that we were ready for him to be big, and that part of being big is using the toilet. (In my son's case, it had emotional roots, but it seems this is a good, harmless message in any case.) With my daughter, it just took a LOT of patience. Good luck!
Oh sad! Its tough to unlearn a behavior...my nephews are 18 months apart, and the eldest was a very early potty trained-little guy...he basically trained himself and had #1 and #2 down on the potty just a month before his little brother was born. He was doing great, but then seeing us change diapers for the little one, he reverted back to going in his pants and then we put him in pull-ups. It took a lot of work, but after about 7 months (7 long months!) he started going back on the big boy potty. Just be consistent, positively reinforce anything remotely close to a successful #2 on the toilet (even an attempt to sit on the toilet and "try") and he'll get it. He wont go in his pants forever! Good Luck!
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