5 weeks, 3 days

Ultrasound today showed a gestational sack(with yolk), nicely placed in the uterus. No fetal pole and no heartbeat, but I expected as much at 5 weeks. The sack measured 5 weeks so a little behind but as my doctor said "we are measuring something that is 1 centimeter, the placement of the ultrasound markers at this point can make the difference of a couple days"

I looked up the post of my first ultrasound with Boo. It was the same thing. No fetal pole, no heartbeat at 5 weeks, 1 day.

I go back in 2 weeks to check for heartbeat.

Update

Tuesday's HCG was 499. No more beta's scheduled. Ultrasound scheduled for Wednesday the 12th just for placement. It will be too early for heartbeat.

Have developed full out allergic reaction to PIO. Late this afternoon I broke out in hives from my ass up to my armpits. Am a nasty, itchy, blotchy mess. My doctor is not at the clinic until Wednesday and my nurse co-ordinator is on holiday for a week. Hopefully someone will help me in the morning.

FET Update

Well knock me over with a feather.

I was so convinced the thing had crashed that the day before and the day of my test I didn't take my PIO shot.

Don't buy cheap dollar store pregnancy tests. They claim to have a sensitivity of 25 mIU but the line I got the two days before were literally so light my mother claimed one wasn't actually there.

Despite that my second HCG number, on day 10 post day 5 transfer, was 183.

We are still early but that number is where it is supposed to be.... we are not out yet.

Turtle, Turtle

For Halloween, Boo was a turtle, and so was his best friend and we were able to go around all afternoon at the park saying "Turtle, Turtle" and we are immature and easily amused and found this ridiculously funny. Here are a few pictures.






























































FET - Well I opted to do the PIO instead of suppositories. Mostly I made this decision because in the past my progesterone has not gone up well on the suppositories but have always made the climb with the IM injections. I have had no reactions.

This time no so much. I have bumps under the injection site, I am red and irritated a good 6 centimeter diameter circle around the area and I am very, very itchy. I made an appointment with my doctor about switching over to the suppositories but she said she was reluctant to do so in mid-cycle. I hesitantly told her that I POAS that morning and got a faint positive so she sent me for an early HCG test and progesterone check.

Results were at 7 days post day 5 transfer a measly 30 HCG and 20 for progesterone (and that's on the frigging IM shots). Anyway it smells like a chemical pregnancy to me but I go back on Sunday for confirmation.


Interestingly, the stick I used the first day was a first response and it was really light, the next day I used another first response and it was much darker but still not dark. Today I was out and had to buy more and bought a different kind which had a sensitivity of 50 instead of 25 and it was again very light and even though I know logically that means it is going up, it still freaked me the hell out.

Hope everyone had a spooky Halloween!

Plunged into the dark ages

Hello out there...... hearing faint echos and noticing things are eerily silent.

So... at the end of September I was plunged suddenly and unexpectedly into the dark ages. The dark ages where there was no computer or Internet connection at home. My computer crashed and because I am still home with Boo with no income, we could not afford to just rush out and replace it right away. I have to tell you it was a very dark, and scary place. I felt alone, isolated and sad. And then my Dad arrived for a visit and fixed my computer!!!!!

The reason my Dad arrived was that I planned a surprise 40th birthday party trip for Rick. I could not post about it here because Rick often reads my blogs and I didn't want to blow the surprise. I took him (and all of my family and his brother, sister-in-law and 2 kids) to Kansas City to see the Chiefs play at Arrowhead. Rick loves the Chiefs. Unfortunately their performance in the last several years and this year in particular has been less than stellar. But we were there for their game against the Denver Bronco's and the Chiefs not only won, they won by a lot, I think the final score was 33-16. Kansas City was absolutely lovely and in the next few days I will try to post some pictures of our trip. Rick had a blast and didn't find out that he was going to KC until we arrived at the airport at departures.

I did a FET this month. I am currently 7 days post a day 5 transfer. The blast was graded fairly highly and survived the thaw and had re-expanded before transfer. I am not technically scheduled for a beta until Thursday but I am bound to pee on several sticks before then.

I want to tell you an amazing story. Jenny the Great read my post about losing my sister and saw the pictures I had included and wanted to do something. She had a painting made of one of the picture and now I have a painting of Caden and Aunt Karen snuggling, sitting on his bookshelf. It was such a thoughtful, kind gift and it still amazes me the support and empathy of this community.

I will take a picture of it and post with my next update.

Political Ramblings

I have a thank-you post coming soon to an anonymous Internet friend who has sent me an amazing gift. I just want to ask her first if she wishes to stay anonymous or if I can thank her publicly.

Let's talk about the upcoming Canadian election for a moment.

It amazes me that the average Canadian seems content to base their opinions on the marketing strategies of advertising agencies.

PEOPLE, you cannot believe what you see on television.

No matter what your political persuasion is, television ads are meant to appeal to a particular group of people on a specific issue. It is sugar coated at best, and an abomination of the truth at the worst.

And you especially can't believe message about one party from another party. Of course they are not being objective, and yes they are allowed to say that on television even if it isn't true. Come on folks. We only have elections every four years (or we would if we would stop electing minority governments). Is it too much to ask to read their platforms, to listen to leadership debates, to attend a few local meetings for 4 weeks once every 4 years.

Steven Harper is running a great marketing campaign. But do you know what he stands for? Do you know what he will do if he gets elected? You've heard that he is a strong leader but do you know where he would lead our country if he had a majority. You know he can wear a sweater and talk about his children to try to appeal to women (a highly influential and coveted voter contingent) and you know that he can bash Dion and his policies. But what about his own policies? What are they? What is his plan to reverse climate change? How does he plan to protect our economy for the recession of our neighbours? How concerned is he about the massive loss of manufacturing jobs in Ontario and what will he do about it?

Stephane Dion is criticized for a carbon tax that will allegedly cost the average person money. But have you read the plan to find out what it's all about. Do you know how it is supposed to help the environment? Did you know that he also has a plan to reduce personal income taxes so that the carbon tax would be cost neutral but could save you money if you found alternatives to fossil fuels.

You can read all about the green shift here

http://www.thegreenshift.ca/default_e.aspx

there is even a calculator that will tell you what your income tax savings would be under the plan. There is a plan for economic development that is not getting much media coverage.

I am a liberal. In previous elections I have been actively involved in campaigning. This year, with everything we have been through, I just don't have the emotional energy to get that involved. I really don't care how people vote as long as they are making informed choices.

But please, we live in a great nation. A nation that is prospering and full of resources and gifts. And because of that, we have the ability to be apathetic. The ability to watch tv ads and think we are informed. In other countries, societies with much lower literacy rates, people don't have the choice to be so blaize. They have to make informed decisions or their lives could be seriously impacted.

Four years is a long time. We can go from a surplus to deficit in 4 years. We can go from reducing our emissions to increasing them in 4 years. We can go from a lack of family doctors and long wait times to an abysmal health care system. We can go from a stable economy to a rescission is much less than 4 years. And the job loss, well in my small part of the world alone there has been thousands of manufacturing jobs lost in the last 4 years, think about what that could do to the local economy if they aren't regained let alone if we lost more.

Think about it. That's all I'm saying. Think about it, read about it, and make an informed vote.

Follow Up

We had already stopped CIO when I wrote the last post.

I wasn't sure what I was going to do next but I knew that CIO wasn't working for Boo.

I have never been a fan of CIO. I believe that babies cry for a reason, and that reason is communication. What they are trying to communicate is a mystery sometimes. And we don't always have an immediate fix, but what we do have, what I have always felt very strongly, is the ability to communicate that we will always be here for you. And Boo has heard that message loud and clear all his short life. And it seems to have paid off. He is very bonded to us and easily reassured by us. If we encourage him to try something new, he is happy to do so, he trusts us. If he falls or squats his fingers or gets frustrated a quick kiss from Mama or Dada can make it right instantaneously. And I'll be damned if I was going to jeopardize that for a bit more sleep. Really, we've been doing without continuous sleep this long. So we've come up with our own method. I am sure CIO works for some kids. And I was prepared to let him cry for a couple of nights if it meant better rest for all of us. It didn't work that way, we all got less sleep instead of more and he hated his bedtime.

We rock him and sing songs in our recliner chair before bed until he is so drowsy he drifts off. But the moment he drifts off we kiss his cheek, tell him good night and put him in bed. This has aroused him every single time. We lay him on his side (his favorite position), put his favorite stuffed animal (a very soft Hippo) in front of him and cover him in his favorite blanket. He usually tries to turn onto his stomach so he can get up but we put our hand on his shoulder and tell him he has to stay in his bed. He sometimes fusses (never for more than a minute or two). And we stay there until he falls asleep. Sometimes he lays there quietly but occasionally looks up to ensure we are still there. Since our last post we have done this for every bedtime and night waking. From the time we put him in his bed until we leave the room is never more than 10 minutes and with minimal crying. And we never leave him alone to cry. It works for us and it seems to be working for Boo. His night wakings have decreased drastically, although they have not been altogether eliminated. Lots of evenings we have heard him wake up, mutter, gather his hippo and his blankie and moan his way back to sleep. Other nights he fully wakes up and we have to go in. So be it. If he cries I will respond. He needs to know that I continue to be here for him. And hey, from the time I leave my bed to the time I return is never more than 15 minutes, so much better that sleeping with him in the recliner chair!

Boo turned 15 months over the long weekend. And just as suddenly it seems his language has exploded. He's been saying Mama, Dada and Hi for ages but suddenly he knows almost all his animal sounds and will rhyme them off for almost anyone. He says ABC (that's it so far) He says "no more" or "all done" when he is done with something (usually food). He says my brother's name and my sister's fiance's name. He says Grandma and Grandpa (although usually he says Pa for Grandpa). He says Hi, Hello, Bye Bye, Kitty, doggie, yeah, yummy, baby, boy, bike, all done, No, No way, bird (he's fascinated with birds), and "I did it". He likes to get praise and I did it is almost always followed by Yay (hands up in the air) and then clapping for himself.

Two weeks ago we actually had a conversation. I had made him a cheese sandwich for lunch which he was happily eating until he saw me wash and cut up his fruit (he is obsessed with fruit). Upon seeing the fruit he started to fuss and called to me "All done Mama". I said, No Boo, you have lots of cheese sandwich left, eat it please. To which he responded "No Way" I said Boo, You don't get fruit until you eat your cheese sandwich, let's go. So he said "No Mama, all done" and refused to eat another bite.

He is learning to jump and it is so hilarious to see him raise one knee in the air, put his hands in the "up" position and then hop on the other foot. He is so proud of himself and this accomplishment always gets the Yay, and self-applause.

He loves his books and will often bring me one after another (up to 5 or 6 at a time) to read to him. He loves to climb and will scale my coffee table with ease, climb all over our couch and gets giddy with excitement at the park where he can easily climb the stairs or the ramp and come down the slide all by himself.

He loves our cats and will often not leave them alone. When I scold him for being too rough he buries his face in their fur and says "ahhhhhh"

He is my little man and I am not sure what I would do without him.

I'll leave you with some pictures and a comment that I have been to the clinic and signed the paper work and paid for a FET. However they will not do anything unless they can get something from my neurologist or neurosurgeon in writing saying it is safe for me to be pregnant. Just so you understand my rant is for self-righteous indignation, my neurologist has no problem with the letter. While I understand this from a legal perspective it makes me very angry. If I could get pregnant on my own, I wouldn't have to ask anyone's permission. And this seems like one less thing I can control in my life. Like punishment for having a brain tumour and a slap in the face about being barren. If they just wanted to protect themselves they could have me sign a waiver. As a lawyer it is not like I could later state I didn't understand the risk

Playing at a nearby water park
















Running through the tall grass at Grandma and Grandpa's Cottage





















Out in boat with Grandpa
















Helping Moma with her much neglected garden (I promise the grass did get mowed later too)
















Playing in the rain after an interupted bike ride

















Playing in a tractor at a friends farm