Quiet

It is hard to find things to write about these days. My life is consumed by one event and making sure that everything is ok with it. It is by the way, as far as I know. Another ultrasound on Tuesday (this time for IPS). I have not yet decided if I am doing the blood work but my doctor convinced me to do the ultrasound at least.

But you know, I have a life besides pregnancy, it just seems really, really boring right now. Work has been very busy and time consuming. Something about the holidays seems to bring out the worse in divorcing couples.

I am in the process of redecorating my room. We painted (which desperately needed to be done) and now I have bought a new light fixture. The room is really very small (an old house) and we painted it a blue/lilac combo called Hydrangea blossom, I have a white battenburg lace duvet cover and bedskirt so I wanted a nice, white light fixture. Rick however, wanted a ceiling fan. He finds it very warm in the summer time and really likes the overhead fan. Although at first it wasn't a priority for me, as I started thinking about possibly being very pregnant this summer, and then having a baby in the room, I started to agree.

So I was really pleased when I found this.


















Now all I need to do is find a nice shade or some blinds for my window. A nice valance for the window. Some cushions for the bed. And maybe..... someday, some nice bedroom furniture. But for right now, all of my extra money is in my belly, so the furniture will have to wait.

Christmas. Ahhh.. Christmas. You know Christmas used to be one of my favorite holidays. It wasn't so long ago, that the fact that it was December and I am going home to be with family, would have had me in the best of spirits.

Then came years and years of trying to start a family. And eventually Christmas just wasn't so much fun anymore. Each year it reminded me that these are family holidays to me, and everyone else seemed to be able to start their family except me. Last year I miscarried on December 4th. Totally ruined Christmas, and most of the winter.

So I thought that this year I would be excited again. That I would be done with the first trimester and looking forward to future Christmas's waking up bright eyed and bushy tailed with children screaming "Santa's been here!"

I can't explain why, but so far that excitement hasn't appeared yet. Not that I am dreading Christmas.... maybe I am too worried that something may yet go wrong. Maybe because work has been so busy and it's hard to have Christmas spirit around parents who are prepared to start world war 3 over whether the kids leave at 12:00 or 1:00 on Christmas eve and whether they are returned by 10:00 or 11:00 on Christmas morning. Maybe because I work on my own now, and have no office colleagues to spread Christmas cheer.

Or maybe I am still not convinced that bright eyed and bushy tailed with children screaming "Santa's been here" is really in my near future.

Either way, I know I have a lot to be thank-full for and I am doing my best to remember it always.