Recently I had lunch with a friend. A friend I don't know that well and only know through my past work. Who knows me only as a professional. As a somewhat ambitious professional. After our conversation it struck me how little she really knows me.
If you knew that I have wanted to be a Mommy for as long as I can remember
If you knew that when I was 7 my little sister was born and after that whenever I was asked what I wanted to be when I grew up, I answered a Mommy.
If you knew that the only thing that got me through law school was my full time nannying job and knowing that when I graduated I could start my family.
If you knew that when I finally did first start "trying" I would dream of what my family would be like.
If you knew how I cried every month when I got my period.
If you knew how much hope I had when I finally went to see a fertility specialist.
If you knew how I cried every month when I got my period.
If you knew how disempowering fertility treatment was for me.
If you knew how painful it was to go through a miscarriage.
If you knew how gradually my dreams and my hope died.
If you knew how emotional I became and how I questioned whether I could ever be myself again.
If you knew how much time and effort and money I spent on conceiving this little boy.
If you knew that when he was born I was so sick I wasn't sure I would live to see him grow up.
If you knew that because of him, I was strong enough to get better in record time.
If you knew that even now, when I look into his eyes, I weep because I know how very lucky I am.
If you knew how happy he makes me.
If you knew that in all my life I have never felt more fulfilled.
If you knew that suddenly my dreams and hope are alive again.
If you only knew that I consider this to be the most important job I have ever done, then maybe you wouldn't have said "Your not going to come back to work, won't you miss doing something meaningful in your life" when I told you that for now, I am happy to stay home and raise my son.
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I hope they always stay this close!
11 comments:
Something meaningful?
Cripes. She has no clue.
Amen, sister.
Some people just say the stupidest things...
It's so lovely to read your posts about how happy you are. Please don't feel guilty for being happy.
We are happy for you.
Beautifully said, Krista.
I am very very happy for you. I do hope you continue to enjoy being home--but forgive yourself if it gets a little bit lonely and you want to hang out with some adults once in awhile and have some adult conversations, okay?
To be honest, one of my favourite things to do with Kaz when he was a baby was to show up in a campaign office with him and do a little phone calling while he napped or got oohed and aahed over by the other volunteers.
Maybe we'll see you when you this spring for a visit? I hope so!
yes, some people say the stupidist things and they think this is completely normal. This is a very lovely post!
Meaningful? Raising a child isn't meaningful? Wow. I hope someday she has children, thinks back on those words, and knows how amazingly stupid they were.
I loved this post--it was beautifully written.
Well, hopefully she won't suffer from the bitch of infertility and won't have to go through any of that.
So beautifully written!
Ugh, what a sick question. Just like you and The Accidental Housewife, I am using my law degree to raise my beautiful, much sought-after (a million IUIs and a gazillion IVFs with multitudes of miscarriages thrown in for good measure) son. I wouldn't have it any other way and I thank God we can live comfortably on one income. For now, I am contemplating doing some light consulting or taking one case or so from home since my son has started preschool. I'm happy and it always surprises me when others don't seem happy for me. I honestly attribute it to a bit of jealousy since most people can't live on one income.
I nodded my head 'yes' at so many of those statements. Especially the idea that your son gave you the strength to get recover as well as you did. Perfectly stated.
I know I'm a little late in commenting on this post, but I just wanted to add something. I have a full time job that is considered (at least by most) as a very meaningful job that contributes to the betterment of society and the next generation. I am currently 7w2d pg and we are not in a financial situation where I can quit my job and stay home when the baby comes. I would actually love to be a SAHM and I think that is one of the MOST important jobs a woman could have. I can't think of a better way to contribute to society and make a difference. Good for you for doing what you think is best for your family!
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