I honestly forgot that the 2 week wait was the hardest part. I mean you would think that with the daily shots, the rising estradiol, the worry about sufficient follicles, the retrieval, the stress of fertilization and development, the transfer....... that once the suckers were in there you could rest easy and wait.
Not an hour goes by when I don't wonder if they are still alive. I was ok on Monday (but really I slept most of the day). I was even ok on Tuesday, woke up feeling productive and mostly relaxed. But as of yesterday the anxiety and the pressure of what we are waiting for has hit me.
I can't get rid of it. I can't put it out of my mind. I can't stop analyzing every niggle, every twinge I feel in my stomach and wonder if that means things are happening in there.
I can't stop comparing it to last time. Except that I'm not really comparing it to the 2 ww last time. I am comparing it to how I was feeling after the positive last time. You see, after I got the positive HPT and Beta, I completely forgot about the 2 ww. But I remember that despite the fact that I was only 5 weeks pregnant I was too bloated from the progesterone to fit into my clothes. I remember that I didn't have any nausea (which stressed me out) and I had lots of cramping in my stomach which I tried to convince myself was early stretching.
I did a HPT 4 days before my beta last time (so on day 10 post 5 day transfer) and it was clearly pregnant. I remember not being surprised. I don't think I was expecting it because I was having symptoms but just because we were naive, we had done IVF, the holy grail of fertility treatment! We were young! There was nothing wrong with us! Cleary we were going to be pregnant. In fact, Rick talked to those embryo's in my belly every day from the day they went in there until the day we found out they were not going to grow anymore (when he said the most heartfelt goodbye that I still can't think about it without crying).
No such naivete this time. No firm believe that this will work - just because.
So I sit here and try to listen to my body. Try to "feel" whether anything is different. And I am scared...... oh so scared.
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I hope they always stay this close!
17 comments:
These days are so very hard - although I find it astonishing that your clinic seems to make you wait til 2 weeks after transfer for your beta - most clinics test you on 14 days post retrieval - so you'd be well within your rights to POAS at 10dp5dt again. It does sound as if things went as well as they possibly could, so hoping very hard for you.
I remember that feeling (wondering if they're alive in there) and dread having to go through it again.
I wish there was a (safe) way to go under general anesthesia during the 2ww!
And I agree that you could do a POAS on 10dp5dt...
Hang in there!
Well, at least we can go crazy together!
Ugh, the 2ww is the worst. How can you not analyze every single thing and compare every feeling and symptom or non-symptom? {{hugs}}
just wanted to wish lots of GOOD LUCK both with the waiting and the testing.
Crossing my fingers for good news.
So very sorry that you're feeling scared and anxious. I have no advice for you - I know it's impossible not to worry - but I just wanted you to know I'm thinking about you and hoping for nothing but good things for you.
Thanks Krista. Thinking of you! Courage :)
The 2ww is so hard. Try to hang in there. I hope that your little ones are still going strong in there.
Remember this time sounds different and I hope your outcome is different.
The 2ww is pure torture. No doubt about it. There is nothing I can say to make it any easier except that I totally and completely understand. Hang in there.
This wait is so agonizing that I'd be more surprised if you weren't going crazy. 10dp5dt sounds like a very reasonable time to use an HPT.
Hang in there!!
the 2ww sucks so bad. Hang in there, Krista. I know how difficult it is but try to keep busy so you don't go too crazy.
I didn't mind the first week so much but the second week was awful. I kept waiting to "feel different" but I never did. In fact, I still don't feel so different.
Hang in there Krista. We're rooting for you.
The 2ww truly is the worst... you've done everything you can, and suddenly you are expected to do nothing... nothing.
HOnestly... I swear... they should come up with some sort of placebo treatment during the 2ww... something to occupy us so we feel as though we are still active participants in the process...
o.k. maybe a dumb idea... but I'm soo soo hoping... just hoping this is it for you.
I really am hoping for you... the two week wait is so hard. I hope that it is going by faster. Have you decided when you are going to POAS?
I'm 10dp5dt with DE FET of one beautiful blastie! I bought a 2 pk of clear blue easy but terrified to
try the digital! My beta is this Thurs. maybe I will hold out. (Or try the day of when I am waiting for the call from RE nurse.) I am so bloated and tired, and downright dizzy when ever I get up!
MOMMY2B
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