These Estrace are kicking my hormonal ass. My ovaries are achy and I am very puffy (I actually feel like I did on the injectables). I didn't feel this way the last time I did a FET with Estrace. But last time we did a supression drug and this time we did not so maybe that is making a difference.
The other thing is I am very, very needy. I am bitchy, clingy, non-confrontational and mood swingy. Which is really not like me. I am generally even-keeled and don't mind being assertive.
I went to the clinic this morning for my lining check with every intention of asking for a copy of my sono pictures and my biopsy report (my clinic never gives copies of anything). The new doctor had asked us to get him a copy, plus a picture of the HSG from the hosital so he could rule out any problems in the uterus before the FET. But when I got there I was seen by Nurse Bitchy and I knew if I asked for a copy of anything in my file I would get major attitude and a gigantic run around. I just couldn't face it and I left without asking. And then I sat in my car and cried for 15 minutes.
I am frustrated. I am not sure why I am so worried about my doctor knowing I am getting a second opinion, but I really am. I think it is because I know I have to keep meeting these people and working with them on a very regular basis. Going through this process is hard enough without stressing about my appointments every day because they treat me differently.
On the other hand, I advocate for other people every day. I would never dream of backing down from their best interests because I might personally be a little uncomfortable. So why on earth would I let a little discomfort sway me from advocating on my own behalf. Really.... the goal, the number 1 priority here is to get pregnant. If I am more likely to do that by getting a second opinion (and providing that doctor with the relevant information) then I should suck it up and just do it.
My lining today already measured .72. It is only day 10. My clinic schedules a transfer day when you are at .8. Once you hit .8 you start the progesterone and the embryo's are transfered the appropriate number of days later (in our case 5 days later because we have day 5 blasts). For the last FET it took my lining until day 17 to get to .8, so it looks like the lack of supression has sped things up a lot. I go back on Sunday and if we are at .8 transfer would be on Friday the 16th.
The other thing is that my clinic has refused our request to thaw the blasts the day before transfer. They said they would do that with day 3 embies but not with blasts. I am feeling rather ambivalent about that surprisingly. I figure the benefit to thawing them the day before is that we will know before transfer whether they are growing and can not bother to transfer if they survive thaw but arrest. On the other hand, the end result is the same. They either arrest in the lab or in my uterus but they are either going to make it or not and there isn't a damn thing we can do to control the ultimate outcome. Might as well give them the best environment in which to grow. (See there goes that bitch hope. Thinking my uterus is better than a lab to grow embies)
Anyway, that is where I am at, hormonal, bitchy, unable to stick up for myself and quite surprised to find myself feeling this way.
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I hope they always stay this close!
5 comments:
A mad rhinoceros is such an apt way of putting it, though my husband would risk being clobbered if he referred to me as an animal of that girth while I'm on synthetic hormones.
No. You aren't yourself, and you should't be expected to behave like that other saner, stronger Krista.
Just because I'm waiting for the FET doesn't mean that I'm somehow more together than you are, though I appreciate the kind words when you posted on my blog. Really, I'm being selfish and just putting off the inevitable. I haven't had a hormone-free summer since I started teaching, and I'd like one. That's my main motivation. I want to be able to sail, and ride my bike, and work in the garden, and get overheated without thinking about treatment. I admire you for having the chutzpah to go through with this.
And I'll wish on stars that it works out for you. Congratulations on the cushy lining. That's one small positive.
Krista - sounds like all of the symptoms of a lot of excess estrogen. It sounds like you are a very kind, thoughtful person. Of course you would feel wierd about a 2nd opinion. That doesn't mean you're wrong, just concerned. Think of it like you are advocating for your future children. Imagine what their little faces will look like and how much they need you to fight for them to be conceived. Nurse Bitchy needs to be very nice.
I am glad the ute is behaving...I am rooting for you.
Funny how it's sometimes harder to stick up for ourselves than for others.
On the bright side, it looks like things are progessing nicely for your FET. I'm sure there's a good reason for not thawing the blasts early..perhaps there are not good culture mediums available to sustain blasts in-vitro??
The hormones are awful. Sorry you are going through this! I know it isn't easy!
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