So... Spanglish asked for all the details, including how many we transferred back. Let me first give you some background.

We have been trying to conceive since 2003. During the first one and a half years we had LOTS of unprotected sex. Once we met with our RE, and after the standard testing, we started clomid. Consistently I developed two eggs. We did six rounds of clomid, three with IUI.This fall we did IVF and we transferred two, day 5 blasts. In March we did a FET and we transferred 2 day 5 blasts. We are comfortable with the idea of having twins. If I were being true to my heart of hearts I would like a singleton (I am afraid to even write that and can't do it without a tremendous amount of guilt). Not just because I am a small person (5'0 and125 lbs, or at least 125 lbs before fertility treatment) and I am aware of the complications of multiple births but also because I have nannied twins and I know what a different experience twins are as infants. Don't get me wrong there are lots of benefits to twins too, and my twins (the one's I nannied when they were 4 months old and are now shockingly 9) are amazing children that I would be very proud to call my own. For these reasons, until now I have been refusing to even contemplate the idea of transferring more than 2.

At first my RE was on board. After all we are relatively young, we have no explanation for our infertility, and she was convinced we would get pregnant. But just before the first FET she started discussing 3. I shut her down, I am not ok with 3. I do not want to fact the moral issues, the physical complications, and the emotional heartbreak of a selective reduction. And she made it very clear that I could not safely carry more than two "I just don't have room". This time however, I felt less cautious. After all, after at least 30 cycles of unprotected sex, 3 cycles of IUI, 1 IVF and 1 FET, I was almost certain that there was little to no chance that all three would stick around.But more than that, I was ready for the possibility that they would. I was prepared to tell myself that if three increased our odds I would do it. If selective reduction would increase the odds of a successful pregnancy then I would do that too. I am not sure how I would have gotten through that because emotionally it would have been hell for me and I don't think I could have posted about it because of the hate mail that I am sure I would receive, but I was ready to deal with it anyway.

So... I told the embryologist to thaw three of my five remaining blasts. We went in for the transfer this morning and I am full of more optimism than I have had in a very long time. Not full out hope exactly but cautious optimism. Life has been comfortable for the last couple of weeks. Working at home will definitely not make me rich but it is making me significantly less harried. The embryologist came to do our consult and he seemed concerned. He told us with a very somber look that he thawed 3 blasts but one of them didn't survive the thaw. He told us that the other two not only survived but had already fully expanded and looked "perfect". He said he had toyed with the idea of thawing another because we had authorized three but he didn't because that would have left only one blast.

People, I took this as a very positive sign. Even more than that, my feeling of cautious optimism grew stronger. I'm glad we are transferring two "perfect" looking blasts I said. I would be uncomfortable with transferring three perfect looking blasts. Much relieved, he left to get ready for the transfer. While we were waiting, Rick and I discussed the fact that during the last FET neither of our transferred blasts had expanded before we transferred. Now, the embryologist was quick to point out then and now that just because they haven't expanded by transfer does not mean it will not be successful. They have gone on to have successful pregnancies with thawed, unexpanded blasts. Fine, I understand, but I choose to look at it as a very good sign that they have expanded. That they looked "perfect". That they are going into a very cushy lining already in the state they need to be in, in order to implant.

Those of you who have been following my blog know that transfers, and anything involving getting into my uterus have not been fun. Today though I was fairly relaxed going in. My doctor was doing the transfer and she has gotten into my uterus enough to know what she is doing. Having said that, she did have some trouble. She had to start and stop three times before she got through what she today called the "second corkscrew". BUT.... and this is a big BUT. It did not hurt. Not even a little bit. As always I had a very full bladder, a very full bladder means first that my uterus and cervix are forced to be a little straighter because of the weight on top of them. Second it means that I can focus most of my attention on keeping control of my bladder which is, in fact, a very good distraction. So I watched in awe on the monitor as the bubbles showed the fluid carrying my embryo's floating from the catheter to the top right hand side of my uterus. And as soon as the embryologist cleared the catheter and cover tube clean of our embryo's..... Dude I could have ran to the bathroom. But I of course did not. I carefully and with help slowly got myself up and slowly walked the 10 feet to the washroom.

And all day I have laid around. On the swing outside, on the couch inside, and in bed. To answer your other question Spanglish, I don't have specific plans to keep myself occupied for the first week of the dreaded 2 WW, although I will be quite busy for the next couple of days drafting court documents (nothing stressful, just quiet typing - with files - not clients). But then next Wednesday, day 9 of the 2 WW I am going on vacation. I am going to Newfoundland where I am from, where my family still lives, and to what I still consider home. I am going home to be with my mom & dad, my sister, my mother and father in law, whom I love, and my brother and sister in law and our nephew who I have not seen since he was 3 weeks old and who will turn 1 while I am there. So for the last part of my 2ww I will have all kinds of distractions. But I promise you, it is not likely I will forget to go for my Beta !!!!

On the way home, Rick and I discussed our two little embryo's and how we hope they become long term squatters. We stroked the belly, sang silly songs and talked to them. We were not able to come up with names. But as we settle down to watch the last game of the NHL season. As I contemplate the two goalies, Jussi Markkanen and Cam Ward, and just what a good job they have done, playing the game of their lives, making save after save, absolutely determined to stick around, I decided that my little embryo's needed the same fighting spirit. They need to be determined to stick around. They need to find the right spot and not let anyone convince them to come out of the net. And I have decided that this time, I have Jussi and Cam, and boys/girls I hope that you live up to your names sakes and play the game of your lives right to the end.

GOD..... how I wish that.