Wishing I was a little more anonymous (Edited)

Thank you for your tips on the PIO injections. Thankfully, today's needle was not so bad. I am sure it will get worse with time. I am also sure I can handle it. I thought it was the needle itself that hurt like a bitch, if the needle is ok and my butt gets really sore that will be a pain (hah! literally) but I will cope. The nurse (who is my favorite) told us not to ice the spot, although that sometimes makes the injection easier, it thickens the oil making it harder for the muscle to absorb and causing the lumps. She told us to fill the syringe in the morning, wrap the barrel with a hot wet face cloth while Rick showers and inject it when he gets out. That way the oil is warm and thins out and gets absorbed easier. Rick did it today under her supervision and I barely felt it go in. Then she showed Rick how to massage the injection site to ensure that all of the oil gets absorbed and none stays at the site to cause the lump (which she says is quite painful). She also gave us another tip. She said that if, after the injection, I walk for 20 minutes I will have less soreness and less site problems. Apparently if I exercise the muscle, it sucks the oil in quickly. I will let you all know if these tips make PIO more bearable over time.

So, this post ( http://compass.typepad.com/inspring/) has gotten me worried. I know that I am very uninformed about computer technology. Most of you know this too by the way I still have not gotten my links to work despite your very helpful advice. However, I really had no idea a blogger could get this kind of information. And it got me thinking.... my blog says the community I live in, I consistently use mine and my husband's real names and my email address has my full name in it. Wow, I am really out there. I started this blog because I loved the idea to have someone to talk to about infertility who didn't know me. Because I have been unable to tell my friends and family how very down and insecure I feel and how very obsessed I am about my infertility. I don't want them to know about all of my treatments, I don't want to tell them about each failure. I want them to see me as the same calm, composed person they have always known me to be and not the obsessed, hormonal, mood-swingy, depressed person I have become.

I want to believe that there is a possibility that if I get pregnant, life could go back to normal. That I might not be this person anymore. That I might again be a happy-go-lucky, carefree individual who is calm, confidant and composed. In short, I need to stay anonymous. I need to know that my friends and family don't read this blog. I need to know that they have only the information I am ready to give them. I need to know that I can say whatever I want her when I am frustrated. I need not to be censored. Because you know, this blog has been incredibly good for my sanity.

I love all my new blog friends. It is not that I don't. It's just that you get it already. I don't have to explain it to you and look at blank faces. I don't have to hear comments like "oh, please don't feel that way, it makes me so sad" from people who really care and have the best of intentions and don't realize that their comment just tore me apart and drove home the reality that I am alone.

I think I might make a few changes to my blog. I hope it is not too late.

Edited: Yea!!!! Thanks to Jenna and Lisa, I was finally able to figure out how to link my sites. They may not look pretty but they are mostly there. I hope the people I just put in the Mission Accomplished list aren't upset about that. Normally I wouldn't move people so soon but since I just figured out how to make it work, and since I was doing so many, I thought I would do all my updating at once. Yeash... that took a long time and I am exhausted.